Post by camoens on Feb 15, 2008 2:52:54 GMT -5
yes, I know it sounds quite stupid. Unfortunately... its real. its the first chapter of something I started... really late at night with half a brain.. I'm currently revising the second chapter due to writing it when awake.
enjoy, and there are alot of real things in here, my opinions being the main part. but don't take it TOO seriously.
Testing, chapter 1
Well, here is something I havn't tried before; I love the idea behind a journel or diary, the ability to peer into someone elses life, and find something you never knew about them. The endless ranting of a madman on pages with the veneer of polish and poise in the "Real World". But the savage truth of the matter is, Life isn't all you want it to be. Ever. For those of you who beleive your life is going exactly where you always wanted it to, and anything that could make it possibly better would involve a mini-bus full of cash... I suggest you don't take the reality check, and walk away now while there's still time!
You see, my life isn't interesting enough to put on paper either, if I tried and gave it to somone to read; undoubtedly not only would they be unable to look me in the eye out of disgusted embarassment, but they would demand the time I stole from them with the utter bore of reality. So what I'm proposing is a comprimise. I get to use my frustrated writing ability, and take my disgruntled ranting out on paper (or type as the case my be) and my inability to finish a real work of fiction more than a few pages long. While bluring the edges of menial reality, and making you feel that much better about yourself that you arn't me! So give yourself a pat on the back, for if you have some semblance of stability and prospects of future happiness, then your not dead! And thats something to be proud of! obviously its taken alot of caffine and industrial strength elbow grease to get you there, keep up the good fight, and so on, and so forth...
This isn't a story about you, so don't expect too much more than that. I'm still not even sure which YOU I'm talking about, if I really meen the universal 'you' of an author talking to some wonderful person kind enough to buy his book, or if I'm writing this to somone in particular, I might be, I know a few people who would get a kick out of a stream of ranting. Yes, now I'm talking about YOU! YOU know who you are! And while I have your attention, I'm still waiting for you to return the book I lent you, COME ON MAN! Its been more than 3 years, wrap it up already! Ok, so that was to someone in particular, who won't be named here.. I just really liked that book and my library feels so very cold without it. Ah well. My point.
My point is that since life isn't interesting enough to put down on paper, and if it is, then its wracked with tredgedies, sappy romances, fights for causes that my or may not be helped by fighting, and accusations about ones parrenting. That I'm going to blur the lines abit.. Well alot in places, as I said the whole disgusted embarassment thing is something I want to avoid. I also want to downplay my various faults, and all around make myself look better than non-fiction would allow with a straight face. So let me start with the afronts to reality by saying I'm tall! YES! That's a good start, I'm quite tall, broad and mid color skinned My hair and eyes are dark, think of a rich brown and a blue that colors the sky just before sunrise. All of which is very flattering to me, and amazing stretches of fiction, but on the bright side I can tell them not to take a picture for the book cover and pretend for a while that I am some burly superhero wannabe who actually would look good in tights. No offence to Christopher Reede. Good man, Bad tights.
If you don't mind ranting, completely off topic anecdotes, and admitedly an off sense of humor then by all meens keep reading, of course if you do mind those things.. I'm going to have to ask you to keep reading as well since you got it, you can't un-get it, I don't do that kind of refunding. Its your problem now! Thus far my predicted audience for this bit of writing are dogs scrounging in the dumpster and relcycling activists protesting the fragrent waste of paper on non-sensical literature; I can't risk that they have a receipt so to these I say: My pages are probably made out of the tissue paper you recycled, so its your own fault if it stinks! And well, "Grrr woof!"
Now that the pleasantries to my future audiance are over............................................
Now if you can't tell by the sudden difference in writing style and change in thought, let me fill you in, I quit writing this for a few months. My little foray into the world of the writing what I think stopped indefinately, I'm not sure if its becuase I stopped thinking; which is likely.. Or if I just lost the mood. But here I am again. So far I've offended Superman fans, and barked at activists, I'd say this is going hit the fan with a satisfactory *SPLAAAT!* so I might as well have some fun with the prossess.
This won't be like anything else I've writen, becuase I have big bloated opinions on things I barely understand, and lets face it: I'm writing a book on them, a 'healthy' ego doesn't even begin to cover it. So lets get on with it already.
=================================
The Gibbering Chicken & The Minions of the Mole!
This isn't a story about a Super Hero, just me and some blury reality lines I need to get checked, and for reasons only my friends know, If I were Super in some way... not only would I not be a hero, I would be titled : The Gibbering Chicken. Quite complimentary don't you think? If your wondering, thats what I got for talking to women. Its a story I don't feel obliged to go into, but, understand that 37 hours without sleep and a crafty woman with a devious sense of humor don't make a good combination for continued dignity.
But while we're on the subject, let me indulge in one of the fortold strange anecdotes or rather, a story:
Deep in a basement hidden from the light of day, Infront of a brightly lit computer tapping in the darkness; there sits the mastermind of plots; the spider in the web; the cunning; the resourcful; the dauntless: The Gibbering Chicken! Despite the embarassing name he is a grand manipulator of events! Harnessing the dual blades of propaganda and convincing innocent looks he stays undercover, and controls perhaps all that he does! Hark! The Wall! This scraping scratching, are not ordinary rodents chewing on important power cables keeping this computer active! No! They are the ruthless... bumbling and blind Minions of the Mole!
No one quite understands why The Minions of the Mole pledge themselves to The Gibbering Chiken, but one thing is for sure... He wished they hadn't. With these minions on his side there is no end to what he can't accomplish! With their seeming inability to carry out simple tasks, and his dauntless use of them anway trying to make the best out of a bad situation, the world need not fear this mastermind's plans of domination.
For once he told them to build him a lair benieth the basement floor; For days they dug randomly, untill finding their way into his walls, where they continue to scratch and scamper keeping him up at night writing silly stories, and are at this very moment chewing away at cables that carry the lifeblood to his only meens of sanityBZZZT........
===================================
Yes, it is that bad. But I suppose it makes me unique, and being unique it was my obligation to find some unique friends. All of them have something amazing about them, its a little harder to tell in some of them but they each have qualities above and beyond the norm. The names of these friends will be changed to protect the guilty... of what I don't know but they guilty of something I'm sure....
For the duration, as long as I'm not transformed into the Gibbering Chicken, I'll refer to me as Yoron, its a japanese kanji meening Dancing Logic, why I like that name should already be apperant, but if you don't get it, keep reading. Though I'm not japanese, I love their culture and their language.. and their female singers. In all honesty its their voices, so get your mind out of the gutter and lets continue.. oh...and.. (tips hat to Maaya Sakamoto)
First there's Wallace, shocking to think when you look at him, that a mathmatical brain ticks behind his beedy little eyes, I won't go into looks much, Bluring the lines of reality only can go so far, but he's the tallest of my friends, His amazing quality? He's a genius in his right, a writer, and a mathmatitian with a calculating mind much like mine: But more diciplined in some matters less in others.
===============
There's Something About Wallace....
A long, LONG time ago, in a cosmos FAR away, and yet surprizingly earthlike (static....) Sorry, I've been informed that LucasArts has the copyright to all instances of "A Long, Long time ago" and if I don't want to have my legs broken I need to discontinue this unauthorized reference. Kids, remember the one thing more powerful than any superhero you read about... Is his lawyer. Ok, lets try this again...
Sometime, somewhere; Dramaticlly. There came to be a child. This seemingly ordinary child was shy, more shy than most, staying consistantly by his mothers side when other children would run and play. Little did he know he would be of such unimportance in their lives, they would still ask him his name for years to come. As time passed, and equally shy child known as Yoron came along. Wallace and Yoron stared at eachother menacingly calculating eachother in chess like movments. Wallace did at least. Yoron walked forward and gripped Wallaces fingers with a twist and said,
"Walk with me, we need to talk." and so it came, they walked and talked untill it was agreed that Yoron would let go of Wallaces sore fingers, and Wallace would continue the discussion.
Wallace and Yoron joined forces, and as the years passed they continued to walk and talk and think of devious plots, pooling their resources, and wondering if spiders had a bum. The world quivered at the duo.
=========================
Now you might be wondering what that had to do with Wallace's special trait. well it'll take some explaining, its quite complicated...Absolutely nothing! I warned you that the anecdotes would be off topic, the first one wasn't just to throw you off. And the shocking thing is that as far as I can tell, Spiders really don't have bums! Abdomin and spinnerets! (and in some cases a breather) They only suck what they need from their pray and are amazingly efficiant, getting rid of the extra mass in web and venom and hairs, which makes the spider an easy pet to clean up after!
But don't you see what this has to do with Wallace? Neither do I but that hasn't stopped me yet. Wallace is quite intelligent, and excellent counterballance to my unorthodox methods, and someone I can discuss writing and science with on a intelecual level. Thus the conversation if spiders have bums. Why I even remember that I'm not sure, it was 10 years ago; man I need to let things go.
If you hadn't had enough yet, I've still got more friends to go! But all of them don't get stories, sure I have some fun things to tell, but I want to survive after they read their copies of this. If I put in all I wanted, I have a feeling There'd be no place I could hide. My next friend, is Eric. I'm going in order of which I met when. For some reason one of my newer friends didn't want to be first one the list *cough* Alison *cough*
But you know, Alison is one of the few people of that gender that actually talks to me, without evil motives; as your reading, I'm sure you can see why. So I think she deserves to be higher on the list than last, and if she doesn't like it, well I guess there's always editing.
==========================
I Think it, Therefore it is, or am I?
A little about Alison. Despite being chronically camera shy, and suffering as all women do from the "Do I feel pretty? No!" Syndrome, she's got an amazing bit of background: And would rather not be talked about! Oh she's single, but she's quite uninterested. She is a hermit, or would like to be.
It took me many a moon to get past her suspisions, and I now under go a weekly check, to be sure my motives are not going to intrude on her privacy. And with careful obsersation this hermit has given me a broad view of what peril the hermit society is in!
So all you readers out there, help support me in my greatest ambition! Starting with this book, I'm creating a fund for all these hermits both gentle and surly, The Save the Hermit Foundation makes sure these hermits have their solitude and are in protected habitats so they don't have to deal with their #1 predetor... The Human! Save the Hermits Foundation provides these noble creatures with all the neccesities of life, and shaded windows so they arn't gawked at. So donate today! And you could save a gentle hermit like this one.
Her story will be one she gave me the idea for, and likely not what she wanted from it, but hey, its here!
The sun rises in the east and spills its glowing light upon the world, the fading moon admires its beauty: the day passes and the sun sets in the west, and the moon returns in time to see its grandure. As winds blow across the lands scape from the coolings airs of night, blowing through a small town by the sea, Alison spys the moon, and sees is mythic smile. Curious she ponders aloud
"What thoughts, or views on the world below could make such a smile?" Not expecting and answer she turns back and then hears the response blow in on the whispering wind. "The sun has fallen in love."
Alison frowned, being quite of the opinion that planets shouldn't talk, much less gossip. And desperately uninterested in a sappy conversation about love! But the moon continued:
"This morning I told the dawn of a maiden on the other side, As far to west as the dawn is east, this Dusk would be his bride! I told the sunrise of sunsets beauty, and flirted of an affair, the sun it rose and crossed the skies in hopes to find her there."
Alison thought about it curiously, and shook her head, not only was the moon a gossip, but spoke in rhyme. She had had enough.The very next morning as the sun came up, she addressed the sunrise,
"You've been duped!" she called
The sunrise knowing the moon had spoke, decided to break with tradition "What?" he answered "I'm looking for the sunset, I heard she lived on the other horizion, but its always just so far away, its like I'm not getting closer at all!" To which Alison answered
"You silly batch of colors! The horizon is an ever receeding line that only exists in your imagenation, the planet is round!"
The Dawn stopped for a second, "What are you saying?"
Alison put her hands on her hips "Your chasing your own behind!"
==============================
Well if you thought I was deveoping some kind of pattern about friends, and stories they wanted me to write, you'd be sadly mistaken, but luckily the thought that there 'Could' be some kind of plot, will likely keep you reading for another 30 seconds. So who am I to tell you there's not? But.. I am going to contradict you now.
==============================
For those of you that haven't read the book "The Princess Bride" and only seen the movie, this will require a bit of explaining. William Goldman wrote it, but he published it as an "Abridged version" basicly skipping from exciting point to exciting point, cutting out alot of what held the story back. Amoung this he claimed were 68 pages of hats, and various other points and additions including a love seen and the first chapter to another book that didn't exist. and He also claimed that it was writen originally by S. Morgenstern. He printed it with an excessive amount of comentary packed too closely together about how he "felt" on the story at that point. Which makes me warn something you may never hear again.. "DO NOT read the book 'The Princess Bride' The movie is better!"
Indentity theft is a terriable thing...
In a country club, on a yacht; In a purchased inland lake, overlooking a golf course sits a man snickering with some equally rich buddies. On the back of his chair writen in golden letters with significantly excessive curles and flourishes, reads: W. Goldman .
Their conversation continues with Mr. Goldman saying: "So, when I bought my 7th house yesterday I signed it S. Morgenstern from my "Abridged" novel. She about wet herself! She ACTUALLY thought that he existed! Oh dear that joke still gets me today..."
From behind him 2 Pollicemen walked over and asked
"Are you W. Goldman?"
"Why, yes of course. What can I do for you officers, I'm afraid I don't feel like signing any autographs.."
"We're here to place you under arrest for the Plagurizing, and identity theft of one S. Morgenstern from Florence, Itally."
"What? But.. He doesn't exist, I made him up!"
"Sure.. We have the 50+ missing pages of hats from the original novel, Who in their right mind would have that kind of evidence in the original handwriting of the S. Morgenstern?"
"Original hand writing? There was no book before mine!"
"Tell it to the judge."
* * *
Shortly after In Florence, Itally at Morgen's Hat Emporium:
A police officer directs moving van into the drive way and intructs them to start unloading. he wnet to knock on the door, and a 15 year old girl answerd. He frowns and says
"Is this the bussiness of S. Morgenstern?"
She smiled brightly and answered "You'd betta believe it, I'm Samantha, baby." His eyes widened and he shook his head, "We've recovered all the money wrongfully spent in your name, however some of it was spent in Priceless art which could not be liquidated." He indicated the van "Here is your check."
"Huu!" She did a bit of a dance at seeing it, and after the delivery he turned to the driver of the van.
"I normally wouldn't have done that, but that books commentary anoyed the hell out of me. I searched for months for the real thing." The driver only nodded as they left.
====================================
Well, so I have something against the writing style of William Goldman in that particular novel, I loved the story, the movie was spectacular; But if your so opininated to post so many comments like that and feel the need to pull a prank on the reader... Write a novel like this! at least MY readers are expecting mindless comentary.
What was my subject again? I was talking about something... Blast.. How rude of me! I interupted myself with a highly indulgent fantasy about identity theft! Of all the nerve! I can't leave myself alone for a minute without me getting into trouble. Hmph, I was talking about friends, but now I don't remember why...I'll pick that up later. I feel a close of a chapter coming on.. The Terriable feeling of having to start ALL over again in another chapter... No.. Don't close.. you can't do this to me! ahhhh!!! the darkness!!........
Nope, nothing is happening. Why do we even have chapters in books anyway? Isn't it just a ploy to skip to another persons point of view or move forward in time without having to write what your characters do while sleeping? As IF I needed Chapters here, I say my index is going to be:
Introduction: page 1
End: page whatever.
And thats it! all my subject will be in one chapter and the end will be like.. "The book is finished. Get out!" This saves me the problem of having to hint at some decent ending that would draw you through, and completely saves me from the desperate inconvienence of having to start new chapters, and come up with a thought to go from there. I will be known for my complete lack of chapters! Mua Ha ha ha ha!!
===== End of chapter====
I know alot of spelling errors, its still rough. bear with me.
enjoy, and there are alot of real things in here, my opinions being the main part. but don't take it TOO seriously.
Testing, chapter 1
Well, here is something I havn't tried before; I love the idea behind a journel or diary, the ability to peer into someone elses life, and find something you never knew about them. The endless ranting of a madman on pages with the veneer of polish and poise in the "Real World". But the savage truth of the matter is, Life isn't all you want it to be. Ever. For those of you who beleive your life is going exactly where you always wanted it to, and anything that could make it possibly better would involve a mini-bus full of cash... I suggest you don't take the reality check, and walk away now while there's still time!
You see, my life isn't interesting enough to put on paper either, if I tried and gave it to somone to read; undoubtedly not only would they be unable to look me in the eye out of disgusted embarassment, but they would demand the time I stole from them with the utter bore of reality. So what I'm proposing is a comprimise. I get to use my frustrated writing ability, and take my disgruntled ranting out on paper (or type as the case my be) and my inability to finish a real work of fiction more than a few pages long. While bluring the edges of menial reality, and making you feel that much better about yourself that you arn't me! So give yourself a pat on the back, for if you have some semblance of stability and prospects of future happiness, then your not dead! And thats something to be proud of! obviously its taken alot of caffine and industrial strength elbow grease to get you there, keep up the good fight, and so on, and so forth...
This isn't a story about you, so don't expect too much more than that. I'm still not even sure which YOU I'm talking about, if I really meen the universal 'you' of an author talking to some wonderful person kind enough to buy his book, or if I'm writing this to somone in particular, I might be, I know a few people who would get a kick out of a stream of ranting. Yes, now I'm talking about YOU! YOU know who you are! And while I have your attention, I'm still waiting for you to return the book I lent you, COME ON MAN! Its been more than 3 years, wrap it up already! Ok, so that was to someone in particular, who won't be named here.. I just really liked that book and my library feels so very cold without it. Ah well. My point.
My point is that since life isn't interesting enough to put down on paper, and if it is, then its wracked with tredgedies, sappy romances, fights for causes that my or may not be helped by fighting, and accusations about ones parrenting. That I'm going to blur the lines abit.. Well alot in places, as I said the whole disgusted embarassment thing is something I want to avoid. I also want to downplay my various faults, and all around make myself look better than non-fiction would allow with a straight face. So let me start with the afronts to reality by saying I'm tall! YES! That's a good start, I'm quite tall, broad and mid color skinned My hair and eyes are dark, think of a rich brown and a blue that colors the sky just before sunrise. All of which is very flattering to me, and amazing stretches of fiction, but on the bright side I can tell them not to take a picture for the book cover and pretend for a while that I am some burly superhero wannabe who actually would look good in tights. No offence to Christopher Reede. Good man, Bad tights.
If you don't mind ranting, completely off topic anecdotes, and admitedly an off sense of humor then by all meens keep reading, of course if you do mind those things.. I'm going to have to ask you to keep reading as well since you got it, you can't un-get it, I don't do that kind of refunding. Its your problem now! Thus far my predicted audience for this bit of writing are dogs scrounging in the dumpster and relcycling activists protesting the fragrent waste of paper on non-sensical literature; I can't risk that they have a receipt so to these I say: My pages are probably made out of the tissue paper you recycled, so its your own fault if it stinks! And well, "Grrr woof!"
Now that the pleasantries to my future audiance are over............................................
Now if you can't tell by the sudden difference in writing style and change in thought, let me fill you in, I quit writing this for a few months. My little foray into the world of the writing what I think stopped indefinately, I'm not sure if its becuase I stopped thinking; which is likely.. Or if I just lost the mood. But here I am again. So far I've offended Superman fans, and barked at activists, I'd say this is going hit the fan with a satisfactory *SPLAAAT!* so I might as well have some fun with the prossess.
This won't be like anything else I've writen, becuase I have big bloated opinions on things I barely understand, and lets face it: I'm writing a book on them, a 'healthy' ego doesn't even begin to cover it. So lets get on with it already.
=================================
The Gibbering Chicken & The Minions of the Mole!
This isn't a story about a Super Hero, just me and some blury reality lines I need to get checked, and for reasons only my friends know, If I were Super in some way... not only would I not be a hero, I would be titled : The Gibbering Chicken. Quite complimentary don't you think? If your wondering, thats what I got for talking to women. Its a story I don't feel obliged to go into, but, understand that 37 hours without sleep and a crafty woman with a devious sense of humor don't make a good combination for continued dignity.
But while we're on the subject, let me indulge in one of the fortold strange anecdotes or rather, a story:
Deep in a basement hidden from the light of day, Infront of a brightly lit computer tapping in the darkness; there sits the mastermind of plots; the spider in the web; the cunning; the resourcful; the dauntless: The Gibbering Chicken! Despite the embarassing name he is a grand manipulator of events! Harnessing the dual blades of propaganda and convincing innocent looks he stays undercover, and controls perhaps all that he does! Hark! The Wall! This scraping scratching, are not ordinary rodents chewing on important power cables keeping this computer active! No! They are the ruthless... bumbling and blind Minions of the Mole!
No one quite understands why The Minions of the Mole pledge themselves to The Gibbering Chiken, but one thing is for sure... He wished they hadn't. With these minions on his side there is no end to what he can't accomplish! With their seeming inability to carry out simple tasks, and his dauntless use of them anway trying to make the best out of a bad situation, the world need not fear this mastermind's plans of domination.
For once he told them to build him a lair benieth the basement floor; For days they dug randomly, untill finding their way into his walls, where they continue to scratch and scamper keeping him up at night writing silly stories, and are at this very moment chewing away at cables that carry the lifeblood to his only meens of sanityBZZZT........
===================================
Yes, it is that bad. But I suppose it makes me unique, and being unique it was my obligation to find some unique friends. All of them have something amazing about them, its a little harder to tell in some of them but they each have qualities above and beyond the norm. The names of these friends will be changed to protect the guilty... of what I don't know but they guilty of something I'm sure....
For the duration, as long as I'm not transformed into the Gibbering Chicken, I'll refer to me as Yoron, its a japanese kanji meening Dancing Logic, why I like that name should already be apperant, but if you don't get it, keep reading. Though I'm not japanese, I love their culture and their language.. and their female singers. In all honesty its their voices, so get your mind out of the gutter and lets continue.. oh...and.. (tips hat to Maaya Sakamoto)
First there's Wallace, shocking to think when you look at him, that a mathmatical brain ticks behind his beedy little eyes, I won't go into looks much, Bluring the lines of reality only can go so far, but he's the tallest of my friends, His amazing quality? He's a genius in his right, a writer, and a mathmatitian with a calculating mind much like mine: But more diciplined in some matters less in others.
===============
There's Something About Wallace....
A long, LONG time ago, in a cosmos FAR away, and yet surprizingly earthlike (static....) Sorry, I've been informed that LucasArts has the copyright to all instances of "A Long, Long time ago" and if I don't want to have my legs broken I need to discontinue this unauthorized reference. Kids, remember the one thing more powerful than any superhero you read about... Is his lawyer. Ok, lets try this again...
Sometime, somewhere; Dramaticlly. There came to be a child. This seemingly ordinary child was shy, more shy than most, staying consistantly by his mothers side when other children would run and play. Little did he know he would be of such unimportance in their lives, they would still ask him his name for years to come. As time passed, and equally shy child known as Yoron came along. Wallace and Yoron stared at eachother menacingly calculating eachother in chess like movments. Wallace did at least. Yoron walked forward and gripped Wallaces fingers with a twist and said,
"Walk with me, we need to talk." and so it came, they walked and talked untill it was agreed that Yoron would let go of Wallaces sore fingers, and Wallace would continue the discussion.
Wallace and Yoron joined forces, and as the years passed they continued to walk and talk and think of devious plots, pooling their resources, and wondering if spiders had a bum. The world quivered at the duo.
=========================
Now you might be wondering what that had to do with Wallace's special trait. well it'll take some explaining, its quite complicated...Absolutely nothing! I warned you that the anecdotes would be off topic, the first one wasn't just to throw you off. And the shocking thing is that as far as I can tell, Spiders really don't have bums! Abdomin and spinnerets! (and in some cases a breather) They only suck what they need from their pray and are amazingly efficiant, getting rid of the extra mass in web and venom and hairs, which makes the spider an easy pet to clean up after!
But don't you see what this has to do with Wallace? Neither do I but that hasn't stopped me yet. Wallace is quite intelligent, and excellent counterballance to my unorthodox methods, and someone I can discuss writing and science with on a intelecual level. Thus the conversation if spiders have bums. Why I even remember that I'm not sure, it was 10 years ago; man I need to let things go.
If you hadn't had enough yet, I've still got more friends to go! But all of them don't get stories, sure I have some fun things to tell, but I want to survive after they read their copies of this. If I put in all I wanted, I have a feeling There'd be no place I could hide. My next friend, is Eric. I'm going in order of which I met when. For some reason one of my newer friends didn't want to be first one the list *cough* Alison *cough*
But you know, Alison is one of the few people of that gender that actually talks to me, without evil motives; as your reading, I'm sure you can see why. So I think she deserves to be higher on the list than last, and if she doesn't like it, well I guess there's always editing.
==========================
I Think it, Therefore it is, or am I?
A little about Alison. Despite being chronically camera shy, and suffering as all women do from the "Do I feel pretty? No!" Syndrome, she's got an amazing bit of background: And would rather not be talked about! Oh she's single, but she's quite uninterested. She is a hermit, or would like to be.
It took me many a moon to get past her suspisions, and I now under go a weekly check, to be sure my motives are not going to intrude on her privacy. And with careful obsersation this hermit has given me a broad view of what peril the hermit society is in!
So all you readers out there, help support me in my greatest ambition! Starting with this book, I'm creating a fund for all these hermits both gentle and surly, The Save the Hermit Foundation makes sure these hermits have their solitude and are in protected habitats so they don't have to deal with their #1 predetor... The Human! Save the Hermits Foundation provides these noble creatures with all the neccesities of life, and shaded windows so they arn't gawked at. So donate today! And you could save a gentle hermit like this one.
Her story will be one she gave me the idea for, and likely not what she wanted from it, but hey, its here!
The sun rises in the east and spills its glowing light upon the world, the fading moon admires its beauty: the day passes and the sun sets in the west, and the moon returns in time to see its grandure. As winds blow across the lands scape from the coolings airs of night, blowing through a small town by the sea, Alison spys the moon, and sees is mythic smile. Curious she ponders aloud
"What thoughts, or views on the world below could make such a smile?" Not expecting and answer she turns back and then hears the response blow in on the whispering wind. "The sun has fallen in love."
Alison frowned, being quite of the opinion that planets shouldn't talk, much less gossip. And desperately uninterested in a sappy conversation about love! But the moon continued:
"This morning I told the dawn of a maiden on the other side, As far to west as the dawn is east, this Dusk would be his bride! I told the sunrise of sunsets beauty, and flirted of an affair, the sun it rose and crossed the skies in hopes to find her there."
Alison thought about it curiously, and shook her head, not only was the moon a gossip, but spoke in rhyme. She had had enough.The very next morning as the sun came up, she addressed the sunrise,
"You've been duped!" she called
The sunrise knowing the moon had spoke, decided to break with tradition "What?" he answered "I'm looking for the sunset, I heard she lived on the other horizion, but its always just so far away, its like I'm not getting closer at all!" To which Alison answered
"You silly batch of colors! The horizon is an ever receeding line that only exists in your imagenation, the planet is round!"
The Dawn stopped for a second, "What are you saying?"
Alison put her hands on her hips "Your chasing your own behind!"
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Well if you thought I was deveoping some kind of pattern about friends, and stories they wanted me to write, you'd be sadly mistaken, but luckily the thought that there 'Could' be some kind of plot, will likely keep you reading for another 30 seconds. So who am I to tell you there's not? But.. I am going to contradict you now.
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For those of you that haven't read the book "The Princess Bride" and only seen the movie, this will require a bit of explaining. William Goldman wrote it, but he published it as an "Abridged version" basicly skipping from exciting point to exciting point, cutting out alot of what held the story back. Amoung this he claimed were 68 pages of hats, and various other points and additions including a love seen and the first chapter to another book that didn't exist. and He also claimed that it was writen originally by S. Morgenstern. He printed it with an excessive amount of comentary packed too closely together about how he "felt" on the story at that point. Which makes me warn something you may never hear again.. "DO NOT read the book 'The Princess Bride' The movie is better!"
Indentity theft is a terriable thing...
In a country club, on a yacht; In a purchased inland lake, overlooking a golf course sits a man snickering with some equally rich buddies. On the back of his chair writen in golden letters with significantly excessive curles and flourishes, reads: W. Goldman .
Their conversation continues with Mr. Goldman saying: "So, when I bought my 7th house yesterday I signed it S. Morgenstern from my "Abridged" novel. She about wet herself! She ACTUALLY thought that he existed! Oh dear that joke still gets me today..."
From behind him 2 Pollicemen walked over and asked
"Are you W. Goldman?"
"Why, yes of course. What can I do for you officers, I'm afraid I don't feel like signing any autographs.."
"We're here to place you under arrest for the Plagurizing, and identity theft of one S. Morgenstern from Florence, Itally."
"What? But.. He doesn't exist, I made him up!"
"Sure.. We have the 50+ missing pages of hats from the original novel, Who in their right mind would have that kind of evidence in the original handwriting of the S. Morgenstern?"
"Original hand writing? There was no book before mine!"
"Tell it to the judge."
* * *
Shortly after In Florence, Itally at Morgen's Hat Emporium:
A police officer directs moving van into the drive way and intructs them to start unloading. he wnet to knock on the door, and a 15 year old girl answerd. He frowns and says
"Is this the bussiness of S. Morgenstern?"
She smiled brightly and answered "You'd betta believe it, I'm Samantha, baby." His eyes widened and he shook his head, "We've recovered all the money wrongfully spent in your name, however some of it was spent in Priceless art which could not be liquidated." He indicated the van "Here is your check."
"Huu!" She did a bit of a dance at seeing it, and after the delivery he turned to the driver of the van.
"I normally wouldn't have done that, but that books commentary anoyed the hell out of me. I searched for months for the real thing." The driver only nodded as they left.
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Well, so I have something against the writing style of William Goldman in that particular novel, I loved the story, the movie was spectacular; But if your so opininated to post so many comments like that and feel the need to pull a prank on the reader... Write a novel like this! at least MY readers are expecting mindless comentary.
What was my subject again? I was talking about something... Blast.. How rude of me! I interupted myself with a highly indulgent fantasy about identity theft! Of all the nerve! I can't leave myself alone for a minute without me getting into trouble. Hmph, I was talking about friends, but now I don't remember why...I'll pick that up later. I feel a close of a chapter coming on.. The Terriable feeling of having to start ALL over again in another chapter... No.. Don't close.. you can't do this to me! ahhhh!!! the darkness!!........
Nope, nothing is happening. Why do we even have chapters in books anyway? Isn't it just a ploy to skip to another persons point of view or move forward in time without having to write what your characters do while sleeping? As IF I needed Chapters here, I say my index is going to be:
Introduction: page 1
End: page whatever.
And thats it! all my subject will be in one chapter and the end will be like.. "The book is finished. Get out!" This saves me the problem of having to hint at some decent ending that would draw you through, and completely saves me from the desperate inconvienence of having to start new chapters, and come up with a thought to go from there. I will be known for my complete lack of chapters! Mua Ha ha ha ha!!
===== End of chapter====
I know alot of spelling errors, its still rough. bear with me.