Post by Suerte on Feb 16, 2009 1:15:20 GMT -5
A million waking moments trying to think of what to say for that fraction of a second opportunity. That window of clarity, where everything you feel falls into place, and you can finally, finally understand what is going through your head. It’s only a fraction of a second. So very often I miss my opportunity, I think a fraction to long, a few to many moments, a few too many thoughts that it all gets garbled up again.
I wonder if it’s worth the clarity, because sometimes I wish I could just let someone in. Let them see the garbled knot inside my head, inside my chest. So often I have all those emotions vying for my attention all at once. All digging deeper inside me with a cruel sneer and a wicked smile. Digging inside my thoughts, fostering inside my dreams.
So long ago, I told myself no, I plucked myself from the puppet strings that attached myself to you. Determined to once and for all stop the games, because I am no toy, and I am no trifling matter to be swept to the wayside. I took it upon myself and with scissors made of bitterness I cut myself free.
But it looks like I missed one. The most important one of all. Not those physical things, I can get by, though grudgingly without them. I could not cut away the memories, I could not nullify what once was and always will be remembered.
And I wish I could, I wish I could wipe the slate clean because this a murderous, torturous feeling. Because they….they….they….her. She’s heard it all before, heard all I have to say about you without being able to hear what I’m really saying. Can’t because she’s not really listening. Because no one wants to hear someone else’s problem when they have ones of there own.
So I talk with loaded words and complex meanings, all injected into empty silence and all misunderstood. All classified as typical teenage drama, and who am I to honestly say it isn’t. Who is she to tell me, that I will get over it, who is she to say she even understands.
Who is she to tell me she understands what you meant to me.
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^^ Stream of conciousness. I just started thinking, and once I got the thought I just wrote. There were corrections made to spelling but otherwise it's unedited thought.
I wonder if it’s worth the clarity, because sometimes I wish I could just let someone in. Let them see the garbled knot inside my head, inside my chest. So often I have all those emotions vying for my attention all at once. All digging deeper inside me with a cruel sneer and a wicked smile. Digging inside my thoughts, fostering inside my dreams.
So long ago, I told myself no, I plucked myself from the puppet strings that attached myself to you. Determined to once and for all stop the games, because I am no toy, and I am no trifling matter to be swept to the wayside. I took it upon myself and with scissors made of bitterness I cut myself free.
But it looks like I missed one. The most important one of all. Not those physical things, I can get by, though grudgingly without them. I could not cut away the memories, I could not nullify what once was and always will be remembered.
And I wish I could, I wish I could wipe the slate clean because this a murderous, torturous feeling. Because they….they….they….her. She’s heard it all before, heard all I have to say about you without being able to hear what I’m really saying. Can’t because she’s not really listening. Because no one wants to hear someone else’s problem when they have ones of there own.
So I talk with loaded words and complex meanings, all injected into empty silence and all misunderstood. All classified as typical teenage drama, and who am I to honestly say it isn’t. Who is she to tell me, that I will get over it, who is she to say she even understands.
Who is she to tell me she understands what you meant to me.
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^^ Stream of conciousness. I just started thinking, and once I got the thought I just wrote. There were corrections made to spelling but otherwise it's unedited thought.
